I have decided to go dreads. It seems when certain events occur in my life, I transition by altering my hairstyle. last time I had red high lights. Now it's dreads. here is the start. I will see where this goes.

The U.P. came to N.C.

yup it's true. we have got the snow!

Back on the Road

It has been 3 months since my last post. I needed a time of rest. Now I am back. My days are much the same, but I enjoy the similarities as well as the differences each new day brings. I no longer look at my life as mundane, as I once have. Sure, there are times where I feel like I am stuck in a rut, trapped. Those moments pass by as the chilly breezes of winter do. cold, but fleeting. I truly treasure the quiet and calming days of the quaint country life. At the moment this is where I am meant to journey.

A time that is lost

Here I am in north Carolina, living in such a way that I never expected. It feels as though that the strings of time have come over my family and we are living as one did in the prairie days. My mother makes bread (I tried once and it didn't turn out, but I'll try again soon). We wash our clothes by hand and hang it to dry out side. though times are tough for everyone, we are still managing to come together as a family and be blessed for what we have.

Climbing out from a watery grave

The nature of this post is all about my emotions, and never took on a physical quality I assure you.

I thought if I was on the edge of a cliff, looking below at the swirling water I would be the one to jump. In fact I did, but not in the way you would think. I jumped, but not to end my life as I previously thought, but to start my life anew, though I didn't know I was starting over until I slammed into the rocks and realized I wasn't hurt as badly as I thought. I still got hurt, but it quickly brought to mind that I would be OK. I could see the sun. I feel like I am a different person and I want to be. I am tired of being the girl who is always pleasing others but not her self. I want to be apart of my life and not waiting for it in the shadows. I will continue on in a new direction.

On the edge of rain and sea

It has been raining here for the last several days. a consistent drizzle that never ends. I do not mind this. It goes along with how I am feeling and I welcome it. Normally I love the rain. It has a calming affect on me. This time it just adds to the misery I am feeling inside. I feel as though I am on a cliff face, over looking a sea. My thoughts are crashing among the rocks below. As hard as I try to be happy, I can't seem to rise above it. I push everything away. My faith, my family, my friends. I want to get away from everything I know, but I can't because I know that won't help. At this time it feels as though nothing will. I thought that if I accepted having CP that would change things, but I am finding out now that it hasn't. I don't know where I am or going. I know that the light of the sun will guide me. If there is one thing I need to believe in it is that.