Life's Dusty Pathway

2010-07-11T18:38:00.000-07:00

I have decided to go dreads. It seems when certain events occur in my life, I transition by altering my hairstyle. last time I had red high lights. Now it's dreads. here is the start. I will see where this goes.

The U.P. came to N.C.

2010-01-31T08:50:00.000-08:00

yup it's true. we have got the snow!

Back on the Road

2010-01-22T09:23:00.000-08:00

It has been 3 months since my last post. I needed a time of rest. Now I am back. My days are much the same, but I enjoy the similarities as well as the differences each new day brings. I no longer look at my life as mundane, as I once have. Sure, there are times where I feel like I am stuck in a rut, trapped. Those moments pass by as the chilly breezes of winter do. cold, but fleeting. I truly treasure the quiet and calming days of the quaint country life. At the moment this is where I am meant to journey.

A time that is lost

2009-10-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

Here I am in north Carolina, living in such a way that I never expected. It feels as though that the strings of time have come over my family and we are living as one did in the prairie days. My mother makes bread (I tried once and it didn't turn out, but I'll try again soon). We wash our clothes by hand and hang it to dry out side. though times are tough for everyone, we are still managing to come together as a family and be blessed for what we have.

Climbing out from a watery grave

2009-07-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

The nature of this post is all about my emotions, and never took on a physical quality I assure you.

I thought if I was on the edge of a cliff, looking below at the swirling water I would be the one to jump. In fact I did, but not in the way you would think. I jumped, but not to end my life as I previously thought, but to start my life anew, though I didn't know I was starting over until I slammed into the rocks and realized I wasn't hurt as badly as I thought. I still got hurt, but it quickly brought to mind that I would be OK. I could see the sun. I feel like I am a different person and I want to be. I am tired of being the girl who is always pleasing others but not her self. I want to be apart of my life and not waiting for it in the shadows. I will continue on in a new direction.

On the edge of rain and sea

2009-07-01T05:05:00.000-07:00

It has been raining here for the last several days. a consistent drizzle that never ends. I do not mind this. It goes along with how I am feeling and I welcome it. Normally I love the rain. It has a calming affect on me. This time it just adds to the misery I am feeling inside. I feel as though I am on a cliff face, over looking a sea. My thoughts are crashing among the rocks below. As hard as I try to be happy, I can't seem to rise above it. I push everything away. My faith, my family, my friends. I want to get away from everything I know, but I can't because I know that won't help. At this time it feels as though nothing will. I thought that if I accepted having CP that would change things, but I am finding out now that it hasn't. I don't know where I am or going. I know that the light of the sun will guide me. If there is one thing I need to believe in it is that.

2009-06-17T05:49:00.000-07:00

Pre-dawn

2009-06-17T04:43:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to bed around mid-night. This morning I woke up at 5:40 am. Oddly enough I don't feel tired, though by the end of the day I'll be ready for bed. There is something to be said about early morning. It is quiet, peaceful, and I feel it is the best time for me. The lighting of morning is like no other time of day and I am my true self, shining through, if only for a moment.

The life of having CP

2009-06-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

Today I went to physical therapy, where I was told my hips are over used and out of line. I now get to go to PT for 3 weeks, twice a week, where in the end I'll be reevaluated and go from there. In the mean time I am to do variations of the bridge pose exercise to strengthen my legs, hips and core. To some of you this may seem like no big deal. To me it seems almost impossible, Because I have CP, holding a bridge pose is very difficult for me, especially where I am affected, on the left side. I am willing to get stronger and give this a try, and hopefully I don't over do it.

Wired...

2009-06-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

I am a water person. I go with the flow on most things. I am highly emotional, empathic to what other's are feeling, as well as show my emotions to others. I am an emotional healer. Since I am a Gemini, there is another element I consider myself strong in. That is the element of air. I am flighty sometimes, but I am also very intuitive. I use my hands a lot, for that is my strongest asset. I never considered myself to be a fire or earth person, until now...
This morning I woke up around 6am, though truthfully I have been tossing and turning since about 3am. I am not sure what it is. I feel energized, restless, anxious, all of these feelings. I want to dance, shout, scream, just keep moving. There is untapped potential yet to be unearthed within me. I am finding that I have a creative spark, a buzzing of electric energy that is all around me. In essence I am a live wire. My energy is chaotic at the moment, but when it is directed at a source, it will have loads of potential, I just need to find my out let and keep myself grounded.

The cycle of CP

2009-06-09T05:30:00.000-07:00

The day before yesterday I decided to go for a walk. It was nice out and I have this place I enjoy going to. There are a set of stairs with a bench for rest up half way. Sitting at the bench you can see the canal, that is part of lake superior and absolutely breath taking. Getting there wasn't to much of an issue. I have been dealing with slight hip pain in my right side for the past several days, but I figured I could handle a nice leisurely walk. That was my mistake. On the way bake home my pace slowed almost (but not quite) to a crawl. My progression was very awkward for me. I am used to dealing with this sort of pain almost on a daily basis, but my left side takes the brunt of it. Coming from the right side was throwing my ability to walk way off course and there for what normally would take me 20 minutes to get home, took me an hour. It was then I realized I need to get in to the doctors to find out what was going on. Yesterday I saw the doctor. He prescribed that I go into physical therapy. I have been to PT before, after all having cerebral palsy as I do I routinely go into PT to find where my range of motion is at. It is a pain to go to, but worth it. I am starting to realize that this is the cycle of having CP. An x-ray was also taken, but I haven't gotten the results back on that yet. I will be updating my progress. I made an appointment for PT for next week.

The flow and ebb of emotions

2009-06-07T04:45:00.000-07:00

Elvis presley once said "When things go wrong don't go with them."

Just a few weeks ago I was in a very grim down turn from all f the events that are Happening in my life. I let my emotions take a hold of me, instead of me taking a hold on my emotions. I am indecisive, so I had a lot of emotions to deal with. They all seemed to be coming at me all at once, constantly there, bombarding me. My initial reactions was to ignore everything and everyone, and escape from reality. I felt it was better this way. I thought that if I escaped, somehow I would become a different person. After the initial on set of chaotic emotions, I an left raw, and not feeling any thing, completely numb of feeling. Then one day I realized there was an inner strength that came with in. From past experiences I Realized That the situation I was in could change, and it did. Through small actions I managed to pick my self up, took each emotion one at a time and asked my self why I felt that way, and moved on. I learned that the day will still be here, and it's ok to have feelings. It's how one chooses to deal with them that matters.

Lead by example

2009-06-06T04:44:00.000-07:00

EE Cummings once said " To be nobody but yourself--in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else-- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

I am a follower by nature. I live the life of others, always in their shadow. I get tired of this often, yet it seems inconceivable to me to lead a life that is fully my own. I get paralyzed with fear just at the thought of going out on my own. How ever, I feel I have come along way in this matter. I was born with cerebral palsy and it has taken most of my life to come to terms with it and except it. Sure there are still doubts as to why I am dealing with it, I think there will always be. For now I need to find my own rhythm in life and lead a life that was meant to be mine, not cower in the shadow of others.

Wandering...

2009-06-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

I do not know where I am going, or where I will end up. I do know that I am out of the weeds, and for now that is all I want.

My stepping stones to happiness

2009-05-28T03:58:00.000-07:00

Failure exists, so does happiness. I need to keep in mind that happiness is brought about by small acts, acts that come about every day.

My steps toward happiness include:

Enjoying a glass of wine during a sun set.
Enjoying a sweet treat (every now and then)
Going for a walk
waking up in early morning
spending time with friends and family
traveling
yoga
having faith, do not lose sight of this nor hope. I am not alone!

Where's my path!?

2009-05-18T05:11:00.000-07:00

I lost it among the weeds. As I struggle to escape, the tighter the weeds wrap around me, pulling me further down into darkness. I am tired of struggling, my whole body aches with the effort of mere survival. Apart of me wants to shut down, give up, another wants to keep on going. As I fight and claw my way out, I can almost see the path that lays before me. It is there, somewhere among the weeds. I just need to have faith, energy, and the courage to find my way.

Home Bound

2009-05-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

I have been at home resting my left leg. I managed to get an infection that led to my ankle swelling. I was worried with it because I can't feel my left ankle due to an old scar from heel cord surgery. I will need to watch for wounds of the feet more closely so I can be prepared. I hear they are the worst for infections. Luckily I have a friend who know what to do. I am on the mend and doing well, the swelling has gone down.. I have been playing Sims, listening to pagan music, and taking it easy.

Sweet and Simple

2009-05-07T05:11:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recommended paganradio.net I love it! I am enjoying listening to it while I indulge in a cup of tazo chai tea. The simple pleasures of life are the sweetest.

Circus came to town

2009-05-06T09:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I went with a friend and her kids to the circus. It was great. the kids enjoyed the show, and the oldest even got an autograph of one of the circus workers. My favorite act was of the animals and the streamer ladies. I will always enjoy going to the circus, to me it's like being a child again.

A sacred time

2009-05-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

Over this past weekend I learned a lot through my spirituality. I went to a place where time stood still and the magical energies of the land captivated me. I was in awe of the small amount I saw, though the land stretches out to 200 acres. I explored a section of it and was happy I did. Beltain was celebrated here. I could hear the streamers of the maypole has the wind swept through, I could see the multitude of colors as the dancers intertwine the streamers to the pole. People took part in jumping the bale fire in celebration of spring and love. The drumming circle was held at night. I could feel the rhythms and vibrations, danced to the beats of the drum, enjoying good times, good people, good food, and good wine. It was a sacred time.

The great dust bowl of my life

2009-04-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

Everything at the moment is helter skelter. Filled with an onslaught of chaotic and turbulent emotions. The dust will soon settle, so that I can pick my self up and continue on ward. The questions that lie before me are inevitable, time to face them in stead of holing up in my shell like I so badly want to do. Which path will my life turn to next?

The Itch

2009-04-27T05:30:00.000-07:00

When the weather gets warmer, I start getting eczema on my hands and feet, which is like having chicken pox. Very Annoying! Now that spring is here (I Hope) I get the itch to go outside and walk more.

Snow to lightning

2009-04-24T05:25:00.000-07:00

This morning around 4:30 am I woke up to flashes. At first I didn't know where it was coming from, and I thought it could be a car that kept flashing the headlights. I realized where the source of the light was coming from, the sky. The Lightning wasn't strong enough where I could feel it, but the effects of it were subtle enough to lull me back to sleep.

A calm takes over

2009-04-22T06:07:00.000-07:00

It wasn't snowing this morning. In fact it was peaceful to step out side and witness the calming effects of Mother Nature.

April snow showers won't bring may flowers

2009-04-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to about 4 inches of snow. It does have it's own beauty, being white and fresh looking. However at this point I am so looking forward to warm weather. I guess I will just have to be thankful for last week, when it felt good to be outside.

Center stage, Act one

2009-04-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

Through out my life I was taking a back seat approach on how I would live it. Now I am finding the confidence to lead my own life, instead of living on how others think I should live. Being healthy and active has helped me in this journey, but more so is the fact that I am a young adult who is at a life stage. I am taking charge of my life now, and loving every minute of it.

Early morning song birds

2009-04-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

Now that warmer weather is here the birds greet the day around 6:30 am, or at least that is when I hear them and get going. I love the sound of the birds in the early mornings. the day is light and the birds sound so cheerful. I start my day off with a few songs of my own. I dance to some songs on the radio. this invigorates and enlivens me. I start my day on a good note. Now I am an early morning song bird.

Inspiration through a Dream

2009-04-07T06:35:00.000-07:00

The previous night I had a dream and this quote came through: A spectacular life is a life I create. Now this is the only part of the dream I remember, but it has stuck with me and has so much meaning. I create my life, and how I choose to live it is up to me. Right now I choose to live spectacularly.

Right now I am thinking...

2009-03-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

Right now I am thinking of how tired I am from lack of sleep I have had in the last three days.
Right now I am thinking of getting back on track with my healthy life.
Right now I am thinking of starting a gym membership.
Right now I am thinking of how soar my arms are from doing push-ups.
Right now I am thinking of buying and playing Sims 2.
Right now I am thinking of going back to bed.

A new way of thinking

2009-03-29T06:35:00.000-07:00

I came across this article this morning about the powerful effects of positive self talk and visualization. I have used this technique on some occasions, but have not reinforced it into my every day. I feel that if I do so, I will not only reap the benefits associated from this, but also, I will no longer be so negative and so hard on my preconceived failures. I am finding that I do not fail, just merely stumble and certain aspects of my life. To get where I am going, I need to have the faith and the courage that I will achieve this. The rest is pure enjoyment along the way.

Love is in the air

2009-03-26T06:46:00.000-07:00

Recently my cousin got married. A friend of mine is going to get married, and I have another friend who started a new relationship. Then there's me. Quiet, shy, single me. Whenever a guy looks in my direction I look away. Whats with that! ugh, very frustrating. Most of the time I don't mind being single. I can do what I want and have fun. At times like this though it feels I'm left out. I know one day I will meet my guy. until then I will be happy for my family and friends. For I am truly happy for them. I'll just have to wait my turn.

Here and gone

2009-03-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

This week I'm doing al ot better, although I need to remind myself not to eat so much at one time.

This morning I looked up and saw an orange cat across the street looking at me and then I looked away. When I looked back the cat was gone.

Feeling sickly

2009-03-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

The past week or so has taken a toll on me. I feel tired and run down now. On top of that my IBS has been acting up and I have a slight seasonal allergy going on. Hold on, not through yet. I also feel a bit nauseated and not wanting to eat much. I hope this will pass.

In Remembrance

2009-03-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

In the early morning of Tuesday, march 10, 2009, My dear grandmother on my father's side passed away. While she is at peace now, I will remember her joy for owls, her love for her family and the caring she showed to all. I remember once when she made fried mashed potatoes how odd I thought it was, but it turned out rather well. Grandma you will be missed and I shall not forget you.

Wind symphony

2009-02-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

On the night of 01/31/09, the wind was blowing and howling so fiercely that it was blowing through my windows, making a humming sound. At one point during my slumber I thought a trumpet was sounding. It took a second for my self to get out of dream state and into the haze of awareness of wakefulness and realization that it was my windows making the noise. a sort of haunting, yet alluring sound.

My story of success

2009-01-28T07:35:00.000-08:00

Since April of 2008, I have come a long way. I have lost 15 lbs. Through this process I am learning how to handle my health concerns and my stress. I have cerebral palsy, which is a neurological disorder affecting motor functions. In my case I am affected on my left side, so walking can be difficult at times. In the past I would ignore the fact that I had c/p. I denied having it. Every time I looked in the mirror I would see my self as being normal, unaware that I was even doing so. later Knowing I have c/p turned into anger and resentment and a feeling of self pity took over. I felt trapped inside my own self, unable to get out. Not caring how hurt I really was. Now I am in the stage of acceptance. I accept the fact I am disabled and I am blessed that I am. I have my set backs like every one else. There are days where all I want is to feel sorry for myself, but now I have found ways to deal with it. Yoga has helped me in more ways than one, like reducing my stress and helping me to become more toned and flexible. I am very grateful that I came across it and it is working for me. I do yoga off and on. My next step is to incorporate it into every day. Now when I look in the mirror I see me with c/p and this makes me feel like a person who is whole. A person worthy of the measure of success she has so far made.

Snow Fall of Kindness

2009-01-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

This morning I had some time before I left for work so I thought I would shovel the walk way, so every one has an easier time accessing their homes. Usually I don't do this since it is a bit difficult for me as I tend to fall down a lot. I am very glad I shoveled this morning though. As I was shoveling, and struggling, a neighbor from across the street helped me out, using her shovel, since she was clearing away her drive way. Normally I would have taken offence, but I was really grateful for her help. Sometimes I need to see that I can do things I thought I couldn't and sometimes receiving help isn't out of pity for me, but out of kindness.

food for thought

2009-01-16T10:40:00.000-08:00

I have read that if you eat slowly, you can enjoy not only your food, but also your surroundings. Recently I have been diagnosed with what appears to be IBS. This has led me to focus on limiting my trigger foods. I now consume very little caffeine, if at all through out the day. The odd thing I am finding now is I don't miss it, In fact I am craving more water and herbal tea. who knew? I also find that if I eat slower it has helped. Bonus- I'm saving a ton on mindless eating and calorie overload. I enjoy what I eat, what I make and the experience of my cooking skill. Now I am no gourmet, but this has helped me to relive stress, which I have a fare amount of. I never knew that this is where the road would lead, but it has led me to a great and wonderful place.

Getting Things Accomplished

2009-01-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

I have decided that even though I am either visiting with my family or friends most of the time (I get to enjoy great meals and good times), I am getting tired of eating frozen dinners when I am at home. In the past I have tried cooking for my self, but I would get to impatient with the waiting. Now, with my mom's help I am finding frugal alternatives to eating and eating healthfully. One Frozen dinner can be expensive. Now I buy ingredients for one meal, lets say potato soup, and then I have enough to last the rest of the week. I am finding it very enjoyable and finding ways to fit in heath is fun. Like using apple sauce instead for butter for making muffins. what to do while I wait for the cooking time? I fit in some fitness. I have found some great DVDs I can do in 10 or 20 minute intervals, which is great for me now. I find in hard to work out for longer than that at a time with my left leg, I tend to tire out easily. Who knows, the more I keep at it the stronger I'll become.

I am also getting ready for my visit with my grandparents, who live in Indiana. I am getting very excited!

Moon Light and Sun Beams.

2009-01-07T07:34:00.000-08:00

On Monday night I went over to a friend's house and we played card games and board games. When it was time to leave, it was a clear night and the stars and moon were out. I saw this long enough, for it was around 4 degrees if not colder out, there fore I wanted to be in the warmth of the vehicle. When I got home I lay in bed enjoying the soft glow of the moon coming through my window. Even as a kid I enjoyed the moon light, and I have always been comforted by this. The next morning, as a got on the public bus to run my errands, I couldn't help but notice how nice it was out side and how the sun had that gentle glow of a winter morning. Every so often the sun would reflect off of the snow just right, so I could see the sparkles. between the night and day I knew the snow sprites were having fun with their moon light and sun beams.

To the new year!

2008-12-30T08:52:00.000-08:00

I have come a long way since last year. In a lot of ways it seems as though I haven't change. In many other ways, I have. I have lost around 17 lbs. This has helped me to be more comfortable in my skin as well as who I am. As a bonus I am not in nearly as much pain since the extra weight on my joints has been taken off. yoo hoo! With the other areas in my life, I'm still working on.

This new year's, I am getting together with my family and their friends and with be playing games and having fun.

For my resolution I plan to wake up at 7 a.m. every day and not sleep in.

As a side note:
I still haven't found out what is going on with me, but I know that eating or drinking certain things affects my stomach. like spicy foods and caffeine. This actually has cut my eating way down, and since I love food This is driving me nuts. Any way I just have to wait to see what happens.

Small Actions = big results

2008-12-29T05:59:00.000-08:00

There were times in my life where I thought I was insignificant and wouldn't amount to much. Now I find that I do make a difference in some one else's life, no matter how small I think it is. For example, when I was in high school, a girl I shared a class with was suddenly taken away in a car accident. I didn't know the role I played in her life till her mother told me how her daughter would say how nice I was to her. it's little things like that we all take for granted. I know know that every action I take has a result-for good or for bad.

Restlessness

2008-12-22T07:31:00.000-08:00

Over the course of a month, starting a little before Thanksgiving, I have been dealing with various health issues. Mostly this is due to stomach pain and upset. I am not sure what is going on but I defiantly have not been myself. soon I will be going in for an ultra sound to find out what the cause might be. It might be something easily remedied, or something more complex. I am ready for whatever outcome. This waiting, waiting and not knowing is what is causing me to feel uneasy. As I have said I can Handel anything the doctor will tell me, but waiting seems worse as of now.

mirror image

2008-12-17T05:48:00.000-08:00

For most of my life I have denied being disabled. I can remember a time of looking in the mirror and seeing myself as being a normal person. I would cut myself off of any feelings that would lead to my disability in any way. My subconscious would allow this and I wasn't aware I was doing anything wrong. I saw myself as normal, but there were times my disability could not be missed. the shock of this realization would leave me hurt and I would feel "trapped in my own body". I find out now that this is a normal part of a person with a physical disability. I would have nightmares of being totally paralyzed, not being able to move or even scream. these nightmares still haunt me and I never understood them till now. I always thought that the paralyzation was due to the fact that I'm afraid to live my life and maybe a small part of that is true. the fact is now that my mind is trying to cope with a physical loss, a loss I now have come to accept. My left side is affected by cp. I accept this. The person I see in the mirror is the person I am becoming. It took most of my life to forget, now it will take me most of my life to deal and accept. I may be disabled and I can live with that. When I look at the mirror now I see me as I am, disabled and all.

stuck in the middle

2008-12-16T06:59:00.000-08:00

Last weekend was a bit interesting. A friend and I were driving back from Oklahoma going home to Michigan. We had to be careful of the weather conditions and here is why. To the west of us, in the Dakotas, A major blizzard was rolling through. on the eastern coast an Ice storm was prevalent. Our drive was filled with needless worry, for we made it home safe. Monday brought about our blizzard though and I was happy enough to be at home and off the road.

Swirling feathers

2008-12-05T06:19:00.000-08:00

This morning there was about 10 inches of snow that came through out yesterday and last night. The snow is light and looks like Mother nature released a pillow full of more of down feathers. it is very nice and as long as the weather continues like this, I am not the one to complain. I hear we are going to receive another cold front after this one. probably due to lake affect snow. let's hope it is just as gentle. Up here in the great white north, you never know what to expect. What I do know is that this day brings out snow angles and Hot coco.

winter wind chimes

2008-12-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

This morning as I was waiting for the bus to take me to work, I could hear the whimsical sound of wind chimes not far off. There was something about the sound that was peaceful and magical. what added to the enchantment was the way the morning felt. The snow was coming down in gentle soft flakes and the air was crisp, but not frigid. It was a perfect morning, a great way to start the day.

My life's list

2008-11-12T06:14:00.000-08:00

I have been researching the benefits of putting together a life list. less stress, more productivity, along with motivation and inspiration. I have started one before and it didn't work for me. Maybe I just wasn't ready to face the reality of living my life instead of just watching it go by. Well now is the time I get my act together and start now.

My daily goals:

Clean an area of my apartment
Take time for myself, remember to breath
exercise and eat healthy
find a joy in the day and give thanks for what it offers me
remember to laugh and smile

My weekly goals:

Work on a step towards long-term and short-term goals
set money aside for goals: vacation, fun, future expenses
keep in touch with family and friends
stay on track with my health and fitness

My monthly goals:

Volunteer
do something new and fun

My yearly goals:

go on vacation

My 3 to 5 years from now goals:

Find someone who I can share my experiences with
teach others (still finding what to teach)
swim with the dolphins and see the sea turtles and manatees
go to Maine
travel to new places

My bucket list:

Have a family of my own
do new things
find a hobby or career I am passionate about
see the world
be an inspiration to other's
know I will be remembered
make a difference

learning to fly

2008-11-05T09:36:00.000-08:00

This winter I am planing to go visit my grandparents in Indiana. I will need to take a plane down there. Though I have flown before, I will need to change planes from time to time, and this is a new concept for me. I am a bit nervous, but excited all at once. Flying doesn't worry me as much as the thought of missing a flight is. I am a person who likes to be early. Well I have plenty of time to plan, since I won't be leaving till February. I'm sure things will work out, since I am not the first person to change planes. who knows? Maybe this experience will teach me something.

Out of the woods...into the meadow

2008-10-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

Last week my life took a very unique and surprising transition. As I have said before the last few weeks or months it felt as though my life had no meaning and it felt as though I was lost. Last week changed that. It happened unexpectedly. I was reading a tarot forecast for myself and from that reading a shift occurred inside for me. I am now having a more positive attitude I have more energy and I am happy. I have come to the conclusion that I don't have to live my life in the fast lane, but I can take a more slow paced way of life. As I have cp, I know this will be easier for me. I have come to cherish the simple moments, And I am also less stressed than I was before. One moment was all it took to change my life, and I am so grateful. Now in the future I need to just know that the next time I am feeling lost, I just need to remind my self to slow down and take things one small step at a time.

Walking for hours

2008-10-08T05:45:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I know it has been awhile since my last post, but I'm still here. Lately it feels like I have been walking aimlessly with no sense of direction for my life. The organic is going OK, though it feels like a very slow process. Every time I take a step forward, I take 20 steps back by over indulging on non-organic foods, mainly junk. I need to learn to balance everything, but it's not easy. I also feel my life as being so mundane. I need to change it up a bit, with what, I'm not sure. I will find a way.

Organic Anyone?

2008-08-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true. I Have decided to make the transition into eating and getting items that are organic. (and some "green" things too!) At least for some of the time. When I am with friends or family this will prove a bit more difficult, However with my organic conscious mind, I will no longer be tempted into mystery meat and preservative loaded chips. So far I have been enjoying eating better and I feel better about myself. I love doing the research online and finding very interesting finds. I am hoping one day I will go totally organic, but for now I am taking baby steps into the right direction.

Going for a drive

2008-08-19T07:32:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday My friend and I decided to take a drive to a lake she heard about. This lake is said to be haunted with all these mysterious drownings, so we thought we would check it out. When we got there the park was closed for the day, and I wasn't about to go where we weren't supposed to be. It was allot of fun still as we were not far from the mysterious light called Paulding, so we went there instead.

My friend, mom, and I tend to go for drives often. We generally find these off beaten paths, ones used for snow mobiling and we go for a trek in the woods. I am always worried we will get stuck out in the middle of no where, but I think that must be part of the fun. We always make it through and as a group our bonds towards one another are very close.

Winter will be setting in so these drives will become fewer and farther between, but I always enjoy the moments I share with my Friends and family.

Come along

2008-05-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

In the beginning we ask ourselves what will happen now? The answers are often right in front of us, yet we are blinded by our own daily endeavors, that often times we rush past the issue at hand and never look back. As our journey in life progresses we feel a sense of being able to go from day to day, but not being able to move forward. We can though. If we search ourselves, I mean actively and whole-heartily search, we can find what we seek. Come along now, for life it self is not hard. Due to individual experiences it can be. Life is a joyous experience! travel it well my friends.

The dish

2008-04-29T10:18:00.000-07:00

I have found a great site on knowing what your eating and exercising too. This site, called the daily plate, helps you keep track on what you eat and exercise. it also calculates the amount of calories you consume and burn, so it does all the work for you. I love it!

Baby Steps

2008-04-29T07:13:00.000-07:00

This Past week, I feel I have accomplished a lot. Having c/p I am supposed to wear a leg brace. This helps support my walking ability.Well I haven't worn it all winter due to the snow. Now I have begun to wear it again. Annoying as this may be, I am very happy to do something great for myself. I have also begun a regular exercise regime. This includes yoga, strength training, cardio, and walking. I know my limits, so I don't over do it. there are a lot of moves, especially in yoga, that I can not do. I do not beat my self up about it though. I have learned that even though I can't do certain things, like balancing on one leg for example, I can do lots of other things. This helps me and I am aware of what I can and can not do. Because of this I modify the exercises in my own way and each day I see if I can go a Little further or longer than the day before. I just take baby steps to accomplish my goals. Each step leads to a great reward. Happy baby steps every one!

Finding my self

2008-04-22T07:15:00.000-07:00

I can't truly explain how I feel. I just know I feel great. I feel as though a new world has opened up to me. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. It happened over the weekend. I woke up one morning feeling great. I went for a walk and saw a robin. My first sighting for the Spring season and a good sign: a transition to starting over. I guess that's putting it in simple terms. I feel I'm in a transition of stating my life in a different way. I can't tell you how it happened or why but it did and I'm very grateful. I have begun to listen within my self and in the process I belief I have found my true self. I know I still have a long ways to go and my walk through life will not always be an easy one, but I feel I can climb the highest mountain and believe in the magic of what life is and has to offer. I also believe that you too can find yourself along the path you are traveling on. you'll know when this happens, for there is no experience like it.

April "snow" shower

2008-04-11T06:17:00.000-07:00

As I woke this morning I realized there was a blizzard out side. By this time most of the world is preparing for spring and in fact I have seen changes that spring is coming. When I saw snow blowing all around, I didn't feel sad or angry as I thought I would. Instead I felt a new sense of hope. A hope that one day spring will come and warmer weather will be on the way. I know by now that it is no use being frustrated with the weather, for I can not control what Mother Nature has in store for us. I know at times I can lose sight of this, but now with all the snow, I have found that I have hope as well as patience. I can now take the lessons I have learned and apply them towards other areas of my life.

Path poem

2008-04-08T06:07:00.000-07:00

The Path your on is the right one.

There is no wall you can't break through,

no mountain you can't climb.

No matter what goes on in life,

through the joy and the sad,

the decisions you make are right and always believe that...

The path your on now is the right one.

My dream

2008-03-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

I'm sure there are those of you out there wondering why I started this blog. Well, let me tell you. I feel there is a sense of purpose in life. And one day I would like to help others, such as my self, be they best that they can be. I want to one day inspire others. I know right now it may not seem like much, but it doesn't have too. Not yet at least. Right now it can start with something as simple and as small as a blog. If there are those that feel they are are inspired by the words I put here, then I know I have done what I came here to do. And that is to help people along the road they are currently on. This is my dream.

Stop and feel the sun shine

2008-03-04T06:17:00.000-08:00

We live in a very fast paced world. As technology advances, our world tends to become faster. This can leave a person feeling rushed. Sometimes rushing can be a good thing. you tend to accomplish the tasks set out for you to do. Rushing around all the time though isn't good. Some times you need to stop and feel the sun shine. I say this only because I am a person that uses feeling, or touching more so than my other senses. you can use the familiar "stop and smell the roses" if you like. It all comes down to slowing things down a bit. I write this also because the sun is out today. it hasn't been out for quite some time now and just seeing it lifts my spirits. Even though the temperature is really cold, (-5 f this morning) the sun drives away all negativity. I am reminded that even though we live in a fast paced society, we can slow things down a bit and just enjoy all the little things we take for granted. like the sun.

Finding the Answers

2008-02-26T07:44:00.000-08:00

Finding the answers to the questions we ask are often times simpler to find than we think. that's just it. We need to start thinking. I have often thought of life's questions. "where do I go from here?" "why was I put here?" "Why Was I born crippled?" In the past I would get frustrated with everything and everyone, including my self. sometimes I still do. The questions I seek are not to be found by outside influences. they are to be found within us. This allows me to be able to know who I am and want to be and to be able to take control of my life. The hows of why some thing is tends to annoy and frustrate me. I need to let go of this way of thinking and just let things be. eventually the answers I seek will present them selves to me.

Being thankful

2008-02-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

Life isn't always easy. If it were we would all have a care-free and living an easy going way. That might be fine for some, but I have come to realize that the experiences that I have, that we all have shapes us into who we are. Yes it's true that bad things happen, but remember that the good things are around the next bend in the road. One has only to look and be grateful for what one has. being thankful can help you in so many wonderful and unexpected ways. this helps me to realize there is a lot of good on my little pathway. This doesn't happen all the time mind you, but enough to put a smile on my face. Something as simple as a smile can change everything.

Signs

2008-01-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

Has a black cat ever crossed your path? Or how about papers of importance being taken out of your hand and scattered by the wind? to some this would be considered bad luck or even superstitious. to me this is not the case. In fact I consider it a sign. A sign letting me know weather I am on the right "path" or not. Now you can take the signs that life offers you and ignore them, in fact many of us do. Or you can stop and listen to what life is offering and follow the path of life that is right for you. whatever your decision is, whether you choose to listen or not, act or not, it will be decidion you have made. As I have said before, life is a path way, with it's hills, detours, roadblocks and yes even signs. Whatever way one decides to go and how they get there makes life seem like an adventure. and in truth it is.
Now here are some of the signs I have come across and read on my journey. The other day I was watching movies on my DVD player, when the DVD player decided to break down on me. At first, I have to admit, this left me feeling frazzled, but after awhile it struck me. I have been watching alot of TV and movies lately. the reason for my DVD player breaking down was so I could get up and do other activities such as going for walks or hanging out with Friends and family. Another sign that I listened to happened this morning. I was on my way to work when I happened to notice a black cat sitting on a window sill. Now I always look at various things on my way to work, but this cat struck an interest with me. I am very fond of cats. In fact I have 2 at home and in the past I have worked with cats at my local humane society. I am sure by now you are thinking, OK so this is just another, random cat. The truth is this is different. Today is also the full moon and I know that cats are considered magical beings, as all earths creations are. I will think more on what this means, in the mean time I will continue along listening and reading what the other signs have to offer me.

Take Action!

2008-01-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

Dreams move us and inspire us, but sometimes it is just a dream and nothing more. This is because when dreaming about our life and our goals, terrifying thoughts take hold, leaving the dream dead in it's tracks. Well I'm through with fear dictating my life! I am ready to take a stand and take action for what I want out of life. This includes helping other's like me, who has c/p and booking a trip to Maine. I also want to live life as it should be lived: to be enjoyed and not living in constant worry.

Think about the joy and not the work

2008-01-11T05:48:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking to my self last night that I need to work harder in order to accomplish my goals. exercise more, eat healthier, be truly happy. Now I see that I have lost sight in the reasons I want to change. I don't consider what I am doing most of the time as a treasure to be enjoyed, but as a chore. And though I consider Yoga as a benefit to my health and I enjoy it, I consider it something to get done in a day, along with everything else that I do. In order to truly find joy in life, I need to take in all of my "chores" in a day and change them to something I enjoy doing.

On days like these

2008-01-10T11:08:00.000-08:00

There are days where pain, frustration and everything else becomes too much for me and often times leaves me feeling out of control and trapped. Having c/p has taught me much and I am thankful to have a mild form of it. I can't imagine others worse off than I am being in more pain than I am in. When I'm in pain from my leg, it is hard for me to even think straight and difficult for me to walk. then I start feeling trapped and I want to go anywhere but where I currently am. On days like these I need to remind myself to take it all in, all of it and once there I can then release it and let it all go. for after this day there is a tomorrow worth fighting for.